past mistakes

Have you ever wondered why things are the way they are?If the choices you made years before were different , would this life still be the same as it is now or somehow different?When I was a child,I use to dream of what I would be when I grew up. It never was a divorced woman of an abusive marriage, single-parent of 4, unemployed ,and  permanently hurt like it is now. I wanted to be either a teacher of science or a vet. I graduated early, had a full scholarship to Columbia University , but instead of going to college at 15 I left home and moved to the Outer Banks where I worked two jobs and fished.Later on, I met a wonderful guy, fell hopelessly in love and because he misunderstood the relationship between me and another friend,I lost him forever.He came to see me one day as Ian was leaving ,and I didn't have time to introduce each to the other. Would an introduction made any difference?If I had told Ian,who was visiting from abroad, not to surprised me by stopping by or after he showed up to leave,would i be happily married to Ernie today? I have often wondered what life would have been like  in what if land with Ernie. If I hadn't went to my car that night to get money, would I still have a child named JON? Would I have had any children?I think so honestly; because, I have always wanted a dozen children as far back as I can remember. I ended up with 4 humans and the rest animals of one kind or I know everyone from time to time looks back over their life and ask WHAT IF'S, IS THIS ALL THERE IS,and HOW CAN I MAKE THINGS DIFFERENT. I guess its a good thing to do from time to time as long as you don't get stuck there. Because if you do ,you will miss so much more of your today and therefore your future. A big mistake again will be formed. A endless circle if you allow it.


~ by welcometomyworld on June 26, 2006.

One Response to “past mistakes”

  1. You’re absolutely right about that. And yes, I’ve definitely done the “what if” thing many times…one could drive oneself crazy doing that. LOL

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