Life sure is a funny thing at times. This week I had heard music that brought back childhood memories I had not thought of in years. I have bumped into a long lost friend who at one time was like a sister.When I finally got to go and do something I love to do(fishing) I run into a boy with whom I had the biggest crush on most of my teenager life.

Three of the most important events as a child, the times in-which true happiness was a part of, it finds me.All I can do is laugh at the timing.In the past few months I have been questioning my own existence, doubting that my life meant anything or that I have meant anything to anyone.Two of the most important people of my past,I  found have been looking for me for years. I have lived in the same area as them for all these years and yet NOW we run into each other in a matter of two days……Alice on Friday night and William on Sunday morning.Still I must question the timing……..why now?

With William I have looked for from time to time over the last 15 years or so,thought  of him more then that and even wrote letters I knew he would never receive.What I remember the most about him was in a time where life was total ciaos he always had an ear and a smile. He was my friend to whom I had a lot of fun with, shared a lot of tears with( both his and mine),and as a person shy and sensitive. I hear somewhere a definition of love…….love is a friendship on fire.I no longer have that crush on William as I did as  child,but I would very much like to get to know him again.I think as a person,he would make a wonderful friend.Should I try again?

Now Alice…….Both of us coming from a truly messed up family… she wanted my mother as hers and me…I would have loved to have her father as mine.We were connected by two families incomplete by themselves  but both complimented the other.We were the true Mutt and Jeff per say.Meaning where one was the other wasn’t far behind. Things went sour between her and I when at nearly 15 I left home. She felt that I not only betrayed her but also my mother.Some years after that , we ran into each other as very young adults.We talked and tried hanging out for a few years but the harm was done.We went our separated ways.Yet over the years, I would run into someone that knew her ,and I kept up with her life that way.In my own quiet way, I kept in-touch in my way, the safest way.

These two people who had the most impact on my life, I run into again in person.I have Alice’s email but have yet to add it to my computer, and today I tried to call William but got his voice mail.I didn’t leave a message.As the house here is quiet i’m sitting here thinking about it all.What do I want…….expect……do I dare dream that happy endings are for me? Or is reality of the past should stay where it is……in the past?I’m left wondering……..


~ by welcometomyworld on July 11, 2006.

One Response to “Life”

  1. Always good to heal old wounds and stabilize friendships if you can. Life is short. Let things take their natural course, but DO offer the olive branch. Then sit back and see what happens. If nothing does, it wasn’t supposed to. Either way, you have made your peace with both of them, which is the right thing to do!

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