Dear Blog

For so long I have forgotten you. You were my ears when no one else heard. You were my voice when words failed to appear. You sat waiting for me to return to you, knowing one day I would come back.

So many things I have done over the years while I was gone. I finally got to apologize to the one who meant the most long ago, but the outcome I fear I made more into a mess. Instead of being allowed to keep them in my life,I pulled a Micki and chased them away again. I just wanted to be in their life somewhere, but things got mangled,  meanings twisted, and more made out of a simple  gesture of gratitude than was meant to happen. I never dreamt that the outcome would have become what it did. So even though I did what I set out to do, maybe I should have just left it the way it was.The thought of a time long past with them wondering what happened and possibly something they did, I wanted to give them some closure as well. To tell them that it was never their fault but the fault of a frightened teenager not wanting to make another mistake.

I became a grandmother. A child I never get to see. It saddens my heart to think she will never know me. I have missed so much of her young life so far. Even though I tried to be in her life, the price is too great if I interfered. She will always be special to me even if she does not know me.

I have been wanting to try new experiences.Although strange to me, still somehow exciting.If only I could leave my shell long enough to see it through!

So my dearest blog, I have missed your unbiased ears that listen, voice to speechless words, and the ability to allow me to be myself with my deepest thought without the fear of rejection.

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~ by welcometomyworld on August 9, 2011.

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